Hey, look at that, it’s almost Valentine’s day. Most of you probably have something romantic planned for your significant other. Good for you! I’m sure they’ll love it. Unless you’re planning on giving them one of your severed body parts. That’s just creepy.
It didn’t work for Van Gogh and it’s not going to work for you.
Or maybe, like me, you’re one of the people who don’t have a date for the upcoming Hallmark event. If so, you have two options. Well…. three, but I don’t want to encourage suicide.
Except for you. Please, do us all a favor.
Option one, accept that you will never find love and bury yourself in your work. Become rich yet horribly depressed. Years from now, decide that the money is worthless since it cannot buy you love. Instead of love, go buy a gun and….
Wait….no… that option leads to suicide. I really didn’t mean to mention suicide twice here. It just….sort of happened. Oops.
Anyways, that only leaves us with one option: Find a date before it’s too late. But this is pretty last minute, which means the pickings are slim. But don’t worry, ladies, there are five desirable gentlemen who are available, and I have created a quiz to help you decide between them. For the guys…sorry, only men are available. But if that sounds good to you anyways, by all means, shove right on in.
Oh, and keep track of your answers, you will need them for the results. Tally Ho!
You are….
A. An intelligent scientist-like person
B. A bit of a dreamer
C. A hard worker
D. A pretty young thing
E. Having a bad hair day
What do you find sexy?
A. Big hands and feet
B. A man in a fez
C. Chest hair
D. Experience
E. Tallness
What kind of personality are you looking for?
A. The quiet kind
B. An intense one
C. Someone tragic
D. Charming
E. An innocent
The most important thing is…
A. Persistence
B. Loyalty
C. Kindness
D. Romance
E. Strength
What should their favorite hobby be?
A. Swimming
B. Reading
C. Cross-Country Track
D. Traveling
E. Hiking
The most forgivable negative trait they could have?
A. Potential stalker
B. Control Freak
C. Depressed
D. Arrogant
E. Temper Problem
The Perfect Date
A. A walk on the beach and frolicking in the water
B. A nice, quiet evening at home watching movie
C. Spending an evening at the carnival.
D. Being whisked away to a private, romantic spot for a night of passion
E. An evening of classical music at the orchestra
You say……
A. “I’d like someone to come in and sweep me off my feet.”
B. “I want true love that lasts for life and beyond.”
C. “I need someone sweet. Someone nice.”
D. “I’m looking for a gentleman with old world manners.”
E. “I like ‘em big and quiet.”
He’s brought you a gift! What is it?
A. Food! The best way a man can show affection is by feeding you.
B. Jewelry.
C. His mere presence is a gift!
D. A scarf to wrap around your lovely neck.
E. Flowers.
So how should he be in bed?
A. Wet
B. He’s into bondage
C. Woof!
D. He’s a biter
E. He goes to pieces afterward
Now before we get to the answers, I would just like to say, screw Photoshop and Microsoft Word for making this so much more difficult than it needed to be. The formatting that you’re about to see in the answer sheet? Yeah, that took forever and was a lot harder to do than you’d think. But I will not let my inadequate programs (or program skills as the case may be) keep you from your true match! And now, without further ado…..!
Now off with you! Good luck and keep those condoms handy!
Even if you put a condom on when your with Dracula, isn't there still the threat of malaria?
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