I Hate Hollywood, Part 2

There are a lot of reasons to hate Hollywood, and not just because it is home to the most evil thing in the history of entertainment.

One good reason I have to hate Hollywood with the fiery burning passion of a million George Foreman Grills is because of what they do to one of my favorite fictional gentlemen. Over and over. In fact, I have yet to come across an instance where Hollywood hasn’t made him the bad guy.

No, not Billy Drago. Shut up.

You guys all know about Hades, right? Greek god of the Underworld? Yeah, he’s not the devil. No, really, he’s not the devil.

Why are you on fire? YOU’RE AN EARTH GOD

For some reason, Hollywood has some weird, almost fanatical desire to Christianize everything that falls into its cold dead hands.

The world, as seen by Hollywood

Now, I grew up reading Greek Mythology. Let me tell you a little about Hades. Hades is the god who presides over the afterlife, called the Underworld because it is located beneath the surface of the earth. The Underworld is a large place, and consists of the Elysian Islands, Asphodel Fields, and Tartarus. Or, to put it into more understandable terms, Hades looks after Heaven, Limbo and Hell.

Now, every mortal goes to the Underworld, there is no alternative. So really, depicting the entire Underworld as a fiery pit of despair means that you’re pretty much saying that, good or bad, everyone’s gonna burn for all eternity.

Bummer

But back to Hades. The other names he goes by include The Wealthy One, as he is the god of wealth, and the Unseen One, as he has a magic helmet that turns him invisible.

Like this, only not wielded by a scrawny, hormonal prick.

Actually, compared to the other Gods, Hades was downright saintly. He never cheated on his wife, he never murdered anyone out of petty jealousy, he never banned anyone from eternal rest, and he even let Hercules borrow his pet for crying out loud.

I always liked Hades, especially during that dark period everyone seems to go through while in the vicious grasp of puberty. He was such a gloomy, tragic fellow. It’s quite a shock to see him depicted as a demonic, evil bastard. I mean, how would you like it if one of your childhood heroes had their reputation mutilated right in front of you?

That’d be like…like making Sherlock Holmes a pimp, or merging Spock with Cthulhu.

Wait….

Thanks a lot, internet

And it isn’t as if it’s an accident, either. Nooooo….they do this on purpose. Hollywood went so far as to rewrite the ending of The Lightning Thief to make Hades the bad guy.

See this?

If you haven’t read this, stop here, because things are about to get spoiler-y

This actually had a great, twist ending where we find out that Hades is not the bad guy, as we have been lead to believe, but Cronos! Who, considering that in the original stories, he’s the one who ate his own children, makes a better bad guy anyways. 

Not exactly father of the year

So I said, “Hey, good for you book, it’s nice to see that you understand that Hades is not evil. Well done!”

Then I watched the movie.

Hades was the bad guy.

Pfffffff

The entire thing was riddled with little, forgivable mistakes. Medusa is supposed to be a monster, she’s not beautiful, Annabeth wasn’t supposed to have cookie cutter personality, and I don’t remember Grover being black. Whatever.

Then they got to Tartarus and everything fell apart.

Say it with me now…..

HADES…

IS NOT…

THE DEVIL!!!!!!!!!